Okay, here's the deal: this was originally intended to be the first-ever video episode of CoolGames Inc, but thanks to a technical SNAFU, the entire video more or less vanished. On the plus side, the audio survived, so count your blessings and enjoy this extra-wet, extra-short hot tub episode of CoolGames Inc, brought to you live from E3 2016.
In this special video episode of CoolGames Inc, the podcast where we take your game ideas and turn them into full-fledged game designs, Nick and Griffin enlist your help in improving E3 2016's biggest new games, with help from Tara Long!
Nick and Griffin explain that this is the first episode of CoolGames Inc that was recorded with video, and also in a pool. (This segment was cut out of the video version.) Having just returned from E3 2016 and a lot of drinking, they decided to record this episode in their hotel's hot tub at midnight. They are nervous because the hotel doesn't allow guests to be in the pool area after 10 PM.
Game Ideas Discussed
replace the creature in last guardian with a mocapped, naked norman reedus
This game plays identically to The Last Guardian, except Trico is replaced by a very large, very sad Norman Reedus. The game has a slider in the Options menu that determines what percent of the game's textures are replaced with Norman Reedus' flesh texture. (suggested by @AirborneUrsine)
Nick wants this game to be Titanfall in which Joe Biden is the titan. Griffin wants this game to be Titanfall in which you play as Joe Biden, and the titan is replaced by a 'cool American old muscle car'. (suggested by @lait_de_poule)
Sea of Thieves gets cancelled as you're playing it
After beating the first world in Sea of Thieves, you sail to the next area only to run into the edge of the world. The edge is Steve Gates (founder of Micropple/Applesoft) tugging at his collar and groaning awkwardly. (suggested by @TheNavinReddy)
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild Thornberries
Various voice actors in the game are replaced by Nigel Thornberry making various noises. The noises are subtitled. (Suggested by @BENZORD)
Link smokes a little and his face doesn't light up so gd much when he gets a treasure open
Link is now a cool guy who is alright at skateboarding and lights cigarettes on his fire arrows. Ganon is intimidated by this version of Link and decides to stay in his Volvo instead of entering the 7-11. (suggested by @MattHeimiller)
"A game with both War Daddy's and Grappling Hooks." Griffin thinks there is already an obscure Russian survival FPS called Grapple Daddy's. Nick thinks it's a porno. (suggested by @ImGalactus)
Dorito Become Human
This game is an incantation by the loneliest wizard. The wizard creates a Mountain Dew-based salve and wipes it on the forehead à la The Lion King. (suggested by @R0gueSquirrel)
A Death Stranding prequel where you play as a whale trying to steal Norman reedus' baby (can use own mp3s for ost)
Since Death Stranding's plot is a mystery, this could very well be the actual plot of the game. Norman Reedus scours the beach for soda caps to throw at the whales to get his child back. (suggested by @mice_nerd)
God of War except you admonish your beard for being terrible and you love your son unconditionally
Kratos takes his son to a fantasy baseball game and they eat fantasy hot dogs. (suggested by @ahab88)
Scalebound, but the music that comes from the characters' headphones is randomly pulled from Phil Spencer's Spotify library
There's a lot of Béla Fleck and the Flecktones, some Benefit of the Doubt, and possibly Godspeed You! Black Emperor. As he sits backstage, he listens to Norweigan death metal and Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. (suggested by Chuck Reed)
waluigi amiibo but life size, and, well, it's actually a body pillow
The front of the body pillow has Waluigi posing very openly and confidently. The back shows Waluigi lying on his chest, with the flap on the back of his overalls open, revealing a small portion of his butt. His butt is shaped like a W, forming five buttcheeks. Both end cheeks are gauged. (suggested by @JoshGrimmer)
Legend of Zelda where you could have eight hookshots
Link has a hookshot for each hand, foot, eyebrow, and dick, for a total of eight hookshots. (suggested by Griffin McElroy)
Dead or Alive Extreme but with Nintendo Hunks
The Nintendo Hunks include Link, Mario, Tingle, Wario, Luigi, Waluigi, Toad, and Fully Nude Toad. Fully Nude Toad removes his hat to reveal a beautiful head of hair. (suggested by @UncleGramps)
- As explained in the above description, the video footage for this episode mysteriously disappeared from Nick's computer and was initially thought to have been lost forever, with only the audio surviving. Fortunately, the footage was later rediscovered on a separate compact flash card and uploaded to the official Polygon YouTube channel two days later.
- Nick is wearing socks while inside the hot tub, a crime which would result in him being sentenced to 20 years in prison.